“Time is wasting. Time is walking. You ain’t no friend of mine. I don’t know where I’m goin’, I think I’m out of my mind. Thinking about time…” –  “Time” – Hootie and Blowfish

 It is 1:48 on a Friday afternoon. My 1:00 appointment called at 12:20 to say she would come to my house at 1:30. At 1:42 she texts that she is looking for her keys. Her accompanying skeptical-looking emoji is a bad sign. At 1:51 she texts that she is leaving now in a vehicle that doesn’t have gas, but is on her way. In my frustration, I text to ask if she wants to reschedule. I don’t send an emoji or an emoticon because it would show that I am unhappy. Today’s original appointment was set for 10:00 AM and she had texted earlier at 8:02 AM to move the appointment to 1:00 PM. Now it is after 2:00 and she still isn’t here. Her reply to my rescheduling offer: “No. Not unless it’s inconvenient for you.” There is not a nice symbol that goes with a passive aggressive reply, so I tell her to still come over and greet her politely at the door at 2:10. I was supposed to leave my house at 2:45 PM, but, in not knowing when she would come over again, asked her questions until I ended up 10 minutes late for my next appointment.

Sometimes punctuality seems like one of those lost-art kind of things, like cursive writing or calling instead of texting. It also seems like one of those “you have it or you don’t” things. Why is being on time versus being late such an epic battle? Determining the cause can be as evasive as finding a solution.

I’ve been around a lot of tardy people. I learned the hard way that I do not handle well a lack of punctuality in a romantic relationship. My beloved’s lack of punctuality got worse as the relationship went along and created resentment on both sides. I’ve also discovered that time blindness can be hereditary.  If you date someone who is always late, you can bet there is a close relative who does the same.

Being around so many tardy people, I often have thought they were selfish, although this depends on your perception. Some people have reasons for being perpetually late; getting distracted, having chronic sleep or health issues, or simply underestimating the amount of time it takes to get somewhere. But being tardy can be a learned behavior. Interestingly, that learned behavior can cause resentment on the part of the person-often-tardy. Some are well-aware of the effects of their tardiness and feel resentful of other people who are intolerant. My interpretation is probably rooted in my experience when resentment grew, and time-blindness joined other habits that strained the relationship. Brett and Kate McKay’s article, “A Man is Punctual: The Importance of Being on Time,” says that being late is a form of stealing. “In coming to meet you at the agreed upon hour, they may have made sacrifices – woken up early, cut short their workout, told their kid they couldn’t read a story together – and your lateness negates those sacrifices. If you wouldn’t think of taking ten dollars from another man’s wallet, you shouldn’t think of stealing ten minutes from him either.”

They also say that tardiness takes away the fullness of the experience of others. I found this to be true today, as I awaited my guest, I found myself unfocused and wondering if she would actually show and discuss our topic. She was apologetic but I was disappointed in her tardiness (it was not the first time) and couldn’t shake that feeling because my idea of a leisurely encounter had been given a 35-minute timeclock. Experience tells me to expect her tardiness in the future and because she is a wonderful person, to not allow the time on the clock to ruin my excitement to see her.