“What percentage of time are you happy?” he asked me. A close friend, with whom I have known for almost eight years posed the question. We’ve seen several of each other’s trials, changes and moves and while his question wasn’t surprising, as he is known for asking tough and sometimes obscure questions, the idea of quantifying happiness was unexpected.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Eighty to ninety percent?” He seemed satisfied with this amount, but afterwards I wondered if that number was accurate or if I just didn’t want him to worry about me. Maybe my guess was more like a “I’m fine” or “Good!” type of blasé reply.
Marshall Goldsmith, executive educator and coach, has worked with CEOs and executives for over forty years. His life journey also includes doing research with one of his children, Dr. Kelly Goldsmith, a professor at Vanderbilt University. With degrees from Yale and Duke, Dr. Goldsmith’s online biography lists her research focus being primarily on scarcity, uncertainty, goals and self-regulation. None of those sound happy, however an important research project by the two Goldsmiths focuses on qualifying and quantifying happiness.
The Goldsmiths’ research results can be found in multiple online locations, including a written synopsis of the Bregman Leadership Podcast from September 2017. Here is a snapshot of the results: You need to achieve simultaneous happiness and meaning in life. You must have both because if you have meaning without happiness, you’re a victim or a martyr. You’re doing important things, but you have a miserable life. On the other hand, if you try to amuse yourself and do things to make you happy that are meaningless, you experience emptiness…In other words, those who experience happiness and meaning at work tend also to experience them outside of work. Those who are miserable on the job are usually miserable at home.[i]
This research shows that no matter how amazing a job you have, it does not compensate for a terrible home life and vice versa. Marshall Goldsmith advocates balance as one of his hallmark coaching tips. Would you be able to list the activities that give you meaning both at work and at home? In Marshall Goldman’s article, “The Success Delusion: Why It Can Be So Hard for Successful Leaders to Change,” he recommends getting advice from the key people in your life on how you can improve. In the same way that you would ask a mentor for advice, consider that others’ opinions may be more on-target than you might think. “Realize that your first inclination when people point your ‘areas for improvement’ may well be to believe that they are ‘wrong’ or ‘confused’,” says Goldman. “Be open to the fact that they may well be right and you may well be the one who is ‘confused’.” While it may seem counter-intuitive to ask someone else what might make you happy or successful, that may be the exact approach to lead you a balanced, happy work and home life.
[i] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/how-we-work/201709/are-meaning-and-happiness-part-your-career