Every day, someone you know accomplishes or receives something you would like to have in your life. Maybe you found out about it on Facebook. Maybe your Mom called to tell you or maybe that person rushed up to you, glowing with excitement, and told you the good news.

What was your first reaction? Excitement, happiness, joy? Those would be the best-case scenario reactions; to be self-confident enough to remember the world is not conspiring against your happiness. Unfortunately, the reality is that uglier emotions are often the knee-jerk reactions to hearing of someone else’s success – envy, jealousy, resentment…why can’t we just be happy for other people?

Sometimes we are just envious of everyday things. Your friend’s new car, when yours always seems to be in the shop, would be an easily enviable item. Being envious or jealous of possessions is very common. We live in a very materialistic society, and the desire to pursue more and more stuff is pervasive.

Sometimes we are envious of things we can never have and the bigger the prize, the more attractive it is. Scarlett O’Hara comes to mind, as she pined away for her beloved Ashley, only to destroy her relationship with Rhett Butler. In the end, Ashley spurns Scarlett and she seemingly accepts that she never wanted him in the first place. In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s, “The Great Gatsby,” Jay Gatsby shapes his life to pursue a woman he cannot have. Gatsby builds up his image of Daisy as an almost-perfect woman who, if he lands financial deals and creates an opulent lifestyle, he will win her away from her husband. He creates an unrealistic portrait of the woman he pursues and is overcome with the dream that cannot be attained.

There are also things you might think you want, but it is because of the attention someone else is getting. I’ve known women to feel the pang of jealousy after seeing a friend’s “Reveal Party” on Facebook. Maybe you’ve heard someone say something like: “I never had a party like that. Look at all the stuff she got!” or “Her maternity clothes are so much nicer than mine. I just used hand-me-downs!” The focus quickly turns away from the blessed event of having a baby into thinking of what you didn’t receive.

A similar thread to being unhappy with someone else’s success is putting all of the attention on the wrong person. The goal of being happy for someone else is to put them first and not to inject yourself into the scenario. Someone else’s happiness does not come in spite of you, and as previously mentioned, the universe is not conspiring against your success. Stepping back from a situation where someone tells you about something amazing that has happened to him, you can see the other person is expecting you to be the active listener. Practice makes it easier to adjust a negative knee-jerk reaction into a positive, supportive response.