Whether you’re back in the dating scene, aiming for a promotion at work, or working to land that world-class client that will transform your business, confidence in yourself is the foundation that will support it all and set you apart from your competition.

What Confidence Is Not

Right here at the beginning, though, I want to make sure you understand that confidence is not ego. As Mel Robbins explains in this ​video​, it’s not even necessarily a belief in self. Robbins says, “Confidence is the willingness to try.”

Think about your favorite actor or actress. Or the rockstar CEO who shines during every keynote. The singer on stage controlling how thousands of people react.

In some cases, they are beautiful, for sure. But we all know so many examples of men and women both who aren’t traditionally good-looking but they are so attractive. They command the room and the attention of anyone in it when they walk in.

That’s confidence. That’s powerful in getting what you want.

“It is confidence in our bodies, minds, and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.”

– Oprah Winfrey

 

What If You Don’t Feel Confident?

But confidence is tricky, isn’t it? It’s a bit of a “chicken and egg” situation. Confidence comes when you know you’re good at something. Attracting the opposite sex. Speaking on stage. Making a sale. And yet, you need some belief in yourself to go out and get experience with those things in the first place.

How do you build confidence in yourself and gain the confidence of others if you don’t have it right now?

1. Focus on your wins.​ You may not have landed a million dollar client before with your business. But have you ever landed a client? Did you start your business in the first place? Maybe you’ve never spoken on a stage before. But I’ll bet you’ve told your friends a story that kept them riveted until the end. And even if you’ve never written a book before, you’re probably a pro at what you do and you know your subject inside and out. Be purposeful and concentrate on what you have done in the past and it will boost you into taking the action toward your goal.

2. Fake it ‘til you make it. ​This saying often gets a bad rap, as some consider it a negative, but there is power in it. Another way to think about this is “act as if”. Used correctly, this is an internal tactic. The point here is not to trick people into thinking you’ve achieved a bunch of things that you haven’t. The point is to define what kind of person you would be if you had already accomplished the goal you’re striving for and then act the way that person would act. What would someone like that wear? What would their daily habits be? Who would they surround themselves with?

3. Build an inner circle.​ You certainly don’t want a bunch of “yes people” around you, but you do want to empower people who will freely share with you all of the strengths they see in you. Sometimes you just can’t connect the dots yourself to believe that you can pull off that lofty goal you’ve set for yourself. A strong inner circle of trusted people in your life is an amazing resource. It isn’t hard to get the right people in your circle when you become intentional with building this group, and you put yourself out there as that type of person for other people. That’s where the circle aspect comes in. You’re a part of that so you support them as much as they support you.

Go out there and start pushing yourself in new ways and grow your confidence to levels it’s never been. Confidence is an outcome, a quality. Exuding it in every situation you walk into will get you more success in what you’re trying to accomplish, which will, in turn, help you build more confidence. And the positive cycle continues.