A few blogs back, we addressed “The Art of War,” which is a masterful piece of literature, yet a paradox in both concept and theme. Written as a memorandum of war strategy, undoubtedly the author saw his words as prose; his form of art. Martial arts as we know them can be a beautiful dancelike expression, but were originally developed for self-defense.

The subsequent blog was about handling conflict within the workplace. Certain conflicts may feel like skirmishes, but do not have other warlike qualities. And while you may have trouble finding any prose or artsy qualities to arguing with a co-worker, there are ways to reduce a battle to a skirmish; a skirmish to a respectful dialogue.

There is a way to create your own manifesto of conflict-resolution strategy. Your HR Manager should be able to help with this, but especially if you work at a small company where there is not a designated and well-trained HR Manager, you can write your own strategy for success.  Here are some tips:

Keep worktime as worktime – Office gossip is a very successful way to perpetuate a conflict with a co-worker. Some offices run on the steam from the venting from irate co-workers. Think of it as a train with passengers dining on the momentarily satisfying trash talk. Eventually the train comes to the station and you may be the one left behind. Vent your frustrations after work with a non-co-worker.

Speak directly to your opponent – Does the word “opponent” seem a little harsh? If so, maybe you need to speak to your co-worker now and clarify the situation. It is possible that you and your co-worker are not actually in disagreement; instead it is just a misperception of words or actions. Another reason to speak to a co-worker directly instead of using email, text or through another person is to avoid miscommunications that are rampant when you do not use the old-fashioned person-to-person approach.

Stick to the facts – Emotions can fill in details that may or may not exist. Your anger toward a co-worker can grow, allowing unnecessary ideas to fill in any gaps of your perception of the situation. Speaking to your co-worker with concise, polite language goes a long way. Leave out the random details and flash feelings. Those can ignite an already tense situation and move the negotiations even further back.

Lay the groundwork for success – Before you delve into too much discussion with your co-worker, it is possible to set boundaries for the discussion. Think of it as a game plan that involves a win-win for both sides. If you have an agreed-upon no-fly zone for words, both of you can leave the table with humility and self-respect. You may leave the table without a resolution, but at least you could meet again in a better spirit. You might be inspired to research negotiation/conflict resolution skills before you meet again just to gain insight on how other people approach conflict. Now THAT would be a win!