In sixth grade, I was chosen to give a speech at graduation. I did well in school and had been encouraged by teachers to continue to be a “leader.” In middle school, I approached extra-curricular activities with gusto.  Determined to show the leadership qualities that I supposedly possessed, I went after leadership roles and joined multiple groups. When I got to high school, I did the same thing but found it a little harder to gain officer positions.

Looking back, not only did I stretch myself too thin, I did not possess leadership qualities. I was a great “joiner” and my enthusiasm was mistaken for leadership qualities. Teachers love a “joiner” – someone who is pleasant, who shows up, who is excited…all great qualities to be part of a group or team. Those are not requirements of a leader.

There is also a difference between a leader and a boss. We have all had bosses who did as their titles suggested – they bossed, but they did not lead. They did not inspire, lead by positive example or motivate. At one company I worked for, I asked the boss what he did to motivate employees; specifically, I was inquiring about employee retention. I had just come from a company that offered perks and incentives to all the employees, which made sense since we advised our clients to do the same. In this new job, my boss looked puzzled at my question. “I pay them,” he said. He did allow me to organize one potluck lunch, but would not agree to another in the next year, as it was “taking away from productivity.”

In elementary school, I remember being asked by peers to make decisions, albeit about trivial things but I was afraid to hurt anyone’s feelings. “What Nobody Tells You About Becoming the Boss,” author Eric Barton says making the tough decisions is one of the CEO’s primary responsibilities. “Sometimes it’s up to you to make the unpopular decision, the one that’s going to disappoint people who you’ve worked with for years.” True business leaders know that making the final call is an everyday event. It is a put-up-or-shut-up kind of job. Good leaders can make those decisions, back them up and get coworkers on board.

Strong senses of self and unselfishness are also required to be both a good boss and a good leader. Some of the most successful high school players are those who are unselfish on the field; encouraging others and sometimes passing the ball instead of taking the game-winning shot. A good leader is not above doing “non-CEO” tasks. Enthusiasm does play a role here, as being a good leader means sometimes just showing up, getting the job done and being pleasant, but he or she also knows that it takes a lot more than that.