“I put it in a box, Mom,” she said. “Like you taught me. I’m going to deal with it later or I’ll never sleep.” I admired her resolve. She had a rough day, full of expectation and then disappointment. Now she was trying a coping technique to set her disappointment aside and clear her head.
Compartmentalization is a subconscious coping strategy. It’s a way to prevent yourself from being overwhelmed by excessive stress or discomfort. Flowpsychology.com says compartmentalization is a “sudden act of the mind and body to prevent oneself from excessive mental and physical stress and arrogating discomfort due to a person’s contradicting action against beliefs, perspectives and values.”
The idea is to put the excess emotion into a category, or a mental box, that may be looked into or opened at a less-stressful time. Women often accuse men of using the strategy to keep them at a distance. Robyn Wahlgast, relationship and dating coach, says in her article, “Why he compartmentalizes his feelings (Understanding men),” that men can use compartmentalization instinctively to manage their lives. While it is often not in a woman’s emotional skillset to use the same technique, compartmentalization may be seen as unkind and a negative approach to a relationship.
However, Wahlgast proposes the ability to limit a new friend/co-worker/love interest’s influence on your life is indeed quite healthy. It allows you to stay afloat during an emotional rush and remember your boundaries and values. “Instead of automatically limiting a new man’s influence on her life, a woman is more likely to let him range freely across her heart and mind,” says Wahlgast. “In fact, women who never learn to compartmentalize feelings at ALL are at risk of letting others free-range over them like a doormat; or wasting time on fantasy relationships; or becoming consumed with romantic obsessions.”
In short, the state of being a doormat cannot remain compartmentalized within your life. Indeed, it will spill over to every area of your life, in varying degrees. In the workplace, Forbes’ author, Ryan Blair says compartmentalization is a key step in dealing with adversity and extreme challenges. He says by isolating an issue, you can then apply “extreme focus” on it, but only for a brief period. Once you see progress with that issue, close the compartment and open the next one. Another helpful tip in all areas of life is Blair’s recommendation of saying “no” to things that don’t deserve a compartment.
Like any coping strategy, compartmentalization should not be used to excess. It should be used as a helpful, temporary endeavor, not with the intent to completely avoid important issues.